


Random Shitty Poems and Shit

by Sss_battlefront



Category: poems - Fandom
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-08
Updated: 2015-02-10
Packaged: 2018-03-11 04:49:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 6,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3314618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sss_battlefront/pseuds/Sss_battlefront
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Here ya go Dinomunk, don't say I didn't warn u :P</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Charcoal

They say silence is golden  
I used to understand that saying, or at least relate to it  
After all, constant chatter is annoying  
who wants to hear multiple conversations when you're at the movies  
or when you're trying to work ar school or your job  
or some other similar situation (I think you get the point)  
Not to mention  
I really thought some people should really keep their opinions to themselves

I used to think it depended on the situation  
but then again  
what doesn't?

They say silence is golden  
I used to be able to understand  
But what's so golden about silence  
if it causes you to weep alone in your room for hours?

What's so golden about not saying something you really want to  
because you know that others will smash that comment down  
and make you feel like shit for even attempting to say anything in the first place

I think that's why some believe silence is golden  
After all if you're quiet and go along with the crowd, you'll never be alone  
or made fun of  
It's harder to get hurt that way

If this is the kind of silence that is golden  
then I should be rich  
But I only feel empty  
I feel more like charcoal than gold

That's when I realized  
Silence is my enemy

The absence of words can be just as hurtful as spoken ones  
I learned this the hard way  
Because of my silence I've had many meaningful relationships turn to dust and ashes  
Because of my silence I've hurt myself and others

Silence  
it can be seen as not being acknowledged  
With words we can express out knowledge and how we feel  
However with silence  
you don't know anything  
Silence is like charcoal  
It's nowhere near golden  
I'm sick of being charcoal  
Are you?


	2. Memories

Memories  
The things the amesic long for  
The things that victims of horrible circumstances wish to forget  
They may be filled with laughter  
They may be filled with pain   
Some are blurry and hard to make out  
they've gone fuzzy as the years have past by  
Others are as clear as a summer sky  
or a well made video  
Memories  
Some have the power to put a smile on your face,  
because no matter how hard things get they will always be there  
Others can give you nightmares  
Even if your day has been splendid and you couldn't feel happier  
they love to lurk at the edges of your thoughts

Memories  
The good ones remind you of how amazing life can be  
they help you learn from your mistakes  
The bad ones teach you  
You get stronger inside and out  
Memories  
Are made by all kinds of people and things  
That horrid second grade teacher  
Your best birthday party  
Your first roller coaster ride  
That first crush  
Your first funeral  
Memories

Last us a lifetime  
So make the most of everyday  
For you never know when you'll need them most


	3. Reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically an English version of the lost one's weeping only I changed the words slightly to match my experiences. I'm still editing this one so a lot of the lines are kinda out of order but please bare with it

I can feel it working its way into me, this cruel and painful knife  
It deepened the wounds already inside me and finally it hit the worst crack just right  
The strong love I once had burning inside me turned into something smaller then a spark  
However now it's grown again however it changed into a weapon that only burns me  
I wish this was fiction  
But I know it is not

I'm good with words so in English I can excel  
That's why I like it

However numbers are not my thing and I fail at Math  
Which is why I hate it

I wonder if I would like it if I was not doing it for a grade  
Which leaves me to wonder if I would still enjoy English

There's something inside me that wants the simple answers to life  
Because I can't help but feel that all my choices are wrong

And once again  
There is this homework  
About me  
A sheet that still needs to be filled in

I pretend to feel  
Accomplished and  
Happy with  
The life I'm now leading  
Until I look deeper seeing  
how sometimes.... no always  
There is a soft voice whispering about my sadness and  
Saying softly that I'm lonely

Why can't I read the blackboard that's said to be written clear as can be?  
Everyone else can so why am I different?  
Do I even know my own mind? Where's the dream I once held? Why is it gone?  
Can I ever find the one who turned my red heart to such an ugly black?  
Hey, who could it be?  
I can't bring myself to care anymore!

Can you even solve the question with that manual yet?  
Can you loosen that noose around that kid's neck later if you have time?  
These are the things they ask  
Their priorities continue to confuse me  
Is that what it means to grow up?

Did any of us make the right choice by saying we'll be fine this way?  
Someone just tell me now!  
It's not like I care about it the answer anymore!

Counting these days like numbers, I see them pass their primes  
And again almost hypnotically they are moving through time  
Behind my wall of arrogance  
I decide to hide  
Despite knowing it was a façade that had started fading long ago

 

Despite my determination  
I just can't solve  
This homework  
It's still a blank sheet  
Nothing written about me  
Until I think and it speaks  
That demon inside me  
It's screaming "let me escape"  
It's screaming "someone just kill me!"

Why can't I read the blackboard written clear as can be?  
Why can't I figure out my own mind anymore? Where did all my dreams run off to?  
Who the hell turned my heart into such an ugly black?  
Hey, who could have done it?  
Hey, someone just tell me!

Can't you solve these questions with the manual?  
Can you loosen the noose around that kid's neck later if you have time?  
These are the things they ask  
Their priorities continue to confuse me  
Is that what it means to grow up?

Someone asks me

Did we make the right choice by saying we'll be fine this way?

I honestly don't know anymore  
Did I ever know in the first place?

 

I can't remember what these things symbolized anymore  
My minds a blur  
My palms wont stop sweating  
I realized that I can't talk about the things I once dreamed of so enthusiastically once  
I realized that all my hopes have just curled up and died  
But at least my grade average is still high

Still I wonder how this has come to be  
Wait it can only be from...

Those who say to open up my eyes  
They ask me when I will grow up and see ?  
But I don't know how to grow up, how long will it take and what exactly will I become?  
Can even one person just try to explain it to me?  
Hey now, just tell me how  
It's not like I care about it anymore!


	4. Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> English version of abstract nonsense except I changed lines to fit my perspective of shit and whatever

I can hear them   
Assuming, joking, spreading rumors so loudly  
This really makes my mind want to combust  
No matter what I do or try and despite all my dreams  
It seems like a fantasy  
That no matter how hard I fight, I just can't achieve anything  
But to be honest, I don't know what I'm trying to gain

My ears are picking up another kind of talk   
A kind that has been way overused by now

This girl is just an ordinary puppet   
She's moving by strings controlled by others since she can't stand on her own   
This place is like an orchestra  
Everyone keeps changing symphonies

Fine, rate me and judge  
It seems like that's all you can do  
You finally break me after making me  
Just replaying all my worst moments again and again  
Everything is so meaningless  
But if that's the case, why can't I stop it?  
Rummaging around my head for ideas but there are none  
This is all so pointless and it's making me tired and sick  
But I can't force myself to get away from this misery

Everything is so meaningless,   
But if that's the case, why can't I change it?  
My wrists would certainly be sore by now if the rumors were true

 

This is so pointless and it's making me so sick and tired  
I'm going to take a break and relax alone this weekend  
All that I ever see is people being hung up so high, put onto pedestals   
However the nooses around their necks aren't as tight as mine  
And they're all hiding secrets under half hidden masks and lies

Fine, go ahead and build your friend factory!

I follow iffy rumors; mouths that are plagued lies  
Didn't you know, this girl's like a show monkey  
She walks a path made of empty lies to never show her true side, let alone smile

It really is a worthless industry!

Hey, come here my dear  
Don't worry, everything will be fine!  
This was said by those I once trusted 

So why have I now killed myself so many times on the inside?  
This cycle never stops!

Everything is so meaningless,   
Why this be stopped then?  
I feel like stabbing my chest   
After all  
If I didn't have a heart this wouldn't hurt so much right?

This is all so pointless and its making me tired and sick   
I don't think I can handle anything anymore

Everything is so meaningless  
Why can't I fix things then?  
I feel like I'm drowning  
All this pain is suffocating me  
This is all so pointless and it's making me tired and sick  
The only way I see out of this is by jumping into the pits of hell

I beg and then crave for how things used to be  
I wonder how desperate and pathetic this new me is  
I can see and now I believe this harm can't be undone  
It's killing me!

Everything is so meaningless  
why can't it just go away  
No matter how far I run or how hard I try  
This is all so pointless and it's making me tired and sick  
I can't get away anymore  
I have to stop now

Everything is so meaningless, why can't I stop it then?   
I point a gun at my head that should combust my mind  
This is all so pointless and it's making me tired and sick  
Even now I know it's just one option but

It won't leave me alone and it's always lingering  
Leaving my crying merely as background noise   
No will help me, I know that well by now  
My voice cracking badly now but I try to sing this anyhow  
Please don't look at me   
I'm just a piece of trash to all of you

If rain could just wash these sins away


	5. Paperclip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An original poem I wrote in three mins hahaha. It's not done yet though maybe I'll post the complete version when I finish and edit it.

I was at a friend's house  
On one of the rare occasions where I had finished all my homework early  
She told me about an experiment where people asked  
kids and teenagers what they could do with a paperclip  
The teenagers said all you could do with it was clip papers together  
What else was it good for?   
The children said things like, make it into a building where people could live  
After all the size of the paperclip hadn't been specified  
I was in shock  
I did not consider the paperclip could be any size  
My friend said this experiment proved how people lost their creativity over time  
Mainly because of school   
I couldn't stop wondering about what ifs...  
What if I used to think that way? What if I had been losing my creativity?  
How did I miss such obvious details?  
To be fair, school had changed ways of thinking  
I heard about this one girl  
When she was little she used exclamations points at the end of every sentence  
Her teacher yelled at her and said to use them only for exciting things  
She was confused  
She thought everything was exciting  
Hearing about that made me so sad  
I vaguely recall being excited over everything as well  
But now all I feel is tired  
Sometimes even dead  
I know I'm not the only one and I can't help but wonder why

\- NOT COMPLETE YET


	6. Flower Petal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A tribute to Clannad

I remember walking with you  
Up a hill where so many flowers blossomed  
from the ground and the trees  
It was truly beautiful  
A single petal fell from a tree  
swaying in the wind, it started going its own way  
I looked into your eyes and said it was like you  
You were confused and didn't understand  
but that was ok, I didn't expect you to

I remember chasing after you in a dream once  
I'm standing in that place now listening to you say  
Live without having a single regret  
Let's call this place in the story Life  
because I think that's where mine truly started

Up this hill we struggled day after day  
We suffered and lost things we've held precious  
But that's ok, because we are still walking forward 

One day you swore to remain with me  
After you said that I felt a cold wind blow in from the distance  
I can tell it's bringing winter

This me now knows I want to keep you warm  
Even though the months and seasons will be long  
But spring will always return to us  
Covering everything with the gentle fragrance of flowers

Walking up that hill again  
A single flower petal starts dancing in the wind  
It looks down on me, trying to come closer  
Another one soon follows

Once again I'm climbing up this hill  
where so many flowers bloom  
It was truly beautiful  
Especially since you were by my side


	7. Untitled

When you look up at the shining starts in the sky  
They make your tears glisten under their light  
I want to see you wearing your brilliant smile  
So yesterday I called you here

Since when have I gotten into this habit  
of hanging my head so low  
Still I watch as the season's colors start to fade

Traveling in such a familiar place  
makes my heart feel like it's being pierced by a sharp wind  
But maybe in this wind, I can learn to fly  
So I spread my arms and urge you to do the same

If you sketch out all your wonderous dreams  
Maybe it'll help soothe some of your worries  
I want to follow the path your shining eyes see  
So let's head to that faraway dream  
Until it's near enough for us to grab it


	8. Breathing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically the song rolling girl that I kinda changed to fit my feelings more

A lonely girl is dreaming throughout the day  
Of things that are oh so far out of her reach  
Thoughts won't stop beating down on the inside of her head  
They keep beating down louder and louder, drowning out the rest of the world  
She wonders if anything will be able to escape

She keeps saying she's fine  
and breathes out but a single sigh  
but her words and that sigh  
are carried away by the strong wind

She keeps falling short  
Again and again  
More and more  
Keeps pondering over her mistakes  
wondering where she went wrong  
but even so she still tries to move on

One more day, one more day  
She begs to move forward yet another time   
The voices in her head only grow louder

One more day?   
Just a little more  
Now waiting to see the dead end  
she knows she is approaching  
For now she will continue to breathe though

This lonely girl has given it her all  
But the finish line she has dreamed of is just to far  
All the thoughts are still screaming  
each with voices of their own  
They keep screaming out and hurting her head  
Mixing together 'till she can't tell them apart anymore

She says she's still fine   
with yet another sigh  
But the word takes them away yet again  
For the words are empty  
and hold no promises

No amount of "I'm fine's" can help her  
climb up that hill  
She only tumbles back down  
She knows the outcome of trying to climb it  
But she still gets up and does it anyway

One more day, one more day  
Please, she begs, let me move forward a little longer  
She keeps pleading, she keeps pleading  
Whispering these words that no one seems to hear

One more day?   
Just a little more?  
Waiting 'till she reaches the end  
Whether it be the finish line  
or a dead end  
"For now I'll keep myself breathing"


	9. Like the Newborn birds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by Start Dash from live love school idol

One day these newborn birds  
Will be able to fly high into the sky  
With long and strong wings that have grown over time

So isn't that a reason for us to continue moving forward?  
Because eventually a day like that will come for us as well, right?  
Can't you hear it coming like I can?  
Its like the opening song for a show who's curtains will soon rise

 

Tomorrow we still have the chance to change like those birds!  
We will have the opportunity to turn into the person of our dreams!

 

That girl, filled with sadness  
Always feeling such a terrible sorrow, that person really wasn't me  
Find something you're passionate about, I decided one day Setting my heart ablaze, I knew I needed to change  
I don't want to be that girl filled with such terrible sadness  
Always feeling such sorrow, that person isn't the exciting me of my dreams  
I'm sure once you harness the power of your dreams right now you can move forward! I can find myself believing in a person like that! That's how I decided to try believing in myself

 

It's similar to the feeling you have after a storm   
There's a kind of hope rising inside of you Be sure to remember this feeling as well as the mistakes you've made  
It'll only help you grow stronger in the future after all

Tomorrow will soon blossom!   
Our hopes will soon blossom!   
Our dreams will blossom into an incredible reality!

 

Tightly gripping our happiness, we can continue moving forward  
We can always find our way back after being lost, even if we have to wander awhile  
Tightly gripping our happiness,   
Together we can all move forward!,   
That is a distant part of the dream we share, but it's still there nevertheless  
Look, the distant horizon is slowly getting closer!

 

I can feel the start of another dream being born,  
Could it be that it's yours?

 

That girl, filled with sadness  
Always feeling such a terrible sorrow, that person wasn't the me I wanted to be  
So I set my heart aflame with passion, I think that's how I can surely get through it!

Tightly gripping our happiness we can continue movie forward  
We can always find our way back after being lost, even if we have to wander awhile  
Tightly gripping our happiness,   
Together we can all move forward!  
That is a distant part of the dream we share, but it's still there nevertheless  
Look, the distant horizon is slowly getting closer!


	10. Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by the yuki yuna is a hero opening

The flowers have woken up and started to bloom in the forest that is still and silent  
I wonder what their thoughts are like and what they feel in a world like this  
I wonder what would happen if they were able to choose between finding out the truth or not  
The truth is something that can endlessly fascinate humans  
However is there really anything crueler than the truth?  
I do not know but even so I wonder  
If ignorance can truly equal bliss

If we were to risk everything in one moment  
Imagine if the infinite amount of stars began to blur  
There would be hearts overflowing with courage  
Trying to live through the current situation no matter what

Decisions are rarely if ever so extravagant  
Or create such a momentum in this world  
But if each and very petal of a flower begain to fill with passion  
What could end up being reflected in the twinkling lights of those stars?

A small seed in that still and silent forest was buried deep inside the earth  
However now it is slowly breaking open without creating much noise

If it were to keep sprouting forever, one day it could surely reach those stars, right?

 

Those stars shining so brightly  
If we were able to put all our emotions into one groundbreaking movement  
If a wish was born, would it be able to guide the world?

Filling our bodies with strength  
Courage blooming with the passion of each petal

We would be covered in the light of the stars in no time

We could bloom as fully as we wanted

Risking everything or yourself in a single moment  
Will not make the infite stars begin to blur  
But that does not mean your heart should not fill with courage  
Or that you should not put all your emotions into that one moment  
You still have the chance to shine as brilliantly as those stars

You have the chance to create a wish for yourself

That wish probably not guide the world  
But it could guide yourself and that is a start  
Fill your body with the strength of that flower

Maybe one day you can bloom to the stars and surround yourself with their light


	11. Don't Make Me Apologize for Being Human

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Original thing I wrote when I was half asleep during the summer

I'm sorry I'm not perfect  
I'm sorry I'm not a genius  
I'm sorry I'm not always nice  
I'm sorry I make mistakes  
But know if you make me apologize for these things  
You're making me apologize for being human

Humans are known for making mistakes  
Some bigger than others  
I really am only human  
I wonder if that sometimes slips your minds  
It feels like it does...

I'm sorry I'm sarcastic  
I'm sorry I have a shitty sense of humor  
I'm sorry I don't always know what to say  
I'm sorry I can't change these things even when I try  
Just know if you make me apologize for them  
You're making me apologize for being myself

I'm sorry my grades aren't as high as they used to be  
I'm sorry for not understanding things that come so easily to others  
I'm sorry for giving up  
I'm sorry that I don't see the point in most things anymore

I'm sorry for thinking no one cares  
Even if it sometimes seems like it's true  
I'm sorry for ever hurting you  
I never meant to, please understand that at least

I'm sorry I'm only human  
No more no less  
Humans are known for making mistakes  
Some bigger than others  
Just know if you make me apologize for that   
You're making me apologize for being human

I'm prone to making mistakes  
I'm sorry I can't always fix them  
I understand what I did wrong and I'll never do it again  
I don't expect forgiveness  
I don't deserve it for some things

But don't make me apologize for silly little mistakes  
For not getting something right on a test  
Or making too many of the same kinds of jokes  
If you make me apologize for those things  
You're making me apologize for being myself

I'm sorry for making mistakes   
But I am only human  
I think it's important that you realize this  
And remember that you are only human too


	12. The things I want the most

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Original poem

In the mornings  
I hear the birrds singing  
their sweet little melodies  
I hear the wind  
making the leaves of the trees rustle  
and the plants dance wherever it goes  
Sometimes I stop at the side of the road  
on the way to school  
I like to listen to the stillness  
of the silence that is present before a car rushes by  
But however much I listen   
however much I hear  
your voice is not among  
the rest of the everyday sounds like it used to be  
Though that is the one sound I truly long for

In the afternoons  
I see the birds that I have been listening to  
I see male robins   
Strutting proudly and jutting out their red chests  
I see bluebirds perching on tree branches  
preening their beautiful blue feathers  
I see thrushes hiding in big green bushes  
Sometimes I see rain  
when I'm inside the house  
I see the tear shaped drops  
racing each other on the glass of my window  
I see a textbook on the table  
begging to be opened so I won't fail  
I know I should obey its orders  
but I pretend not to see it  
Instead I look down the hallway  
And although I see the closed door of your room  
I don't see you come out of it  
Even though that is the thing I want to see most

In the early evenings  
I can smell someone making dinner  
I smell a sharp,spicey, almost familiar scent  
That's how I can tell  
whoever is cooking is trying to recreate one of your old recipes  
But it doesn't smell exactly right  
You didn't tell anyone your recipes  
I want to go into the kitchen  
and smell the food you cook along with your own scent  
Do you remember how you always insisted on using that one brand of soap?  
I do  
I thought it smelled funny but  
now I think it's the most amazing smell in the world  
Your food is a close second  
But now I don't smell those things anymore  
Even though they are the things  
I want to smell most

In the darkness of most nights  
I feel scared  
I had another nightmare  
I feel sweat dripping down my forehead  
and soaking my pillow  
Remember when you were still here?   
You wiped my forehead  
with the sleeves of your sweatshirt  
You also turned over my sweaty pillow  
and layed down beside me  
Remember how you sang to me   
until I fell asleep?  
I do  
I could feel those songs in my soul  
I could feel my fear evaporating  
But now I only feel  
the emptiness of the space next to me  
I turn the pillow over myself  
and I wipe my face off with a blanket  
all by myself too  
But I can't fall asleep because  
I don't feel you laying beside me  
Even though that is the thing  
I want to feel most

I don't hear your voice in the morning  
I don't see you in the afternoon  
I don't smell the scent of you or your food in the early evening  
I dont feel you laying next to me at night  
Even though those are the things  
I want the most


	13. It's amazing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Original poem

It's amazing how one minute  
you can be in the pits of despair  
hating everything you are and  
yearning for your arm to be covered in blood

It's amazing how the next minute  
you can be almost unbearably happy  
almost being able to love yourself  
and wanting to share this joy you feel now  
by sprinkling others with compliments and praises

It's amazing how in an instant   
all that can be snatched away  
maybe because of a cruel word or  
a little teasing that hits a bit to close to home

It's amazing how once all that sadness is over  
and the happiness had evaporated  
you can feel absolutely nothing  
You can't even tell if you're living or dead because you are so numb  
Are you somewhere in-between the realms of the living and the dead?  
Maybe right now you don't even exist?   
You just want to feel  
something  
anything  
it doesn't matter if it's pain or pleasure  
and with these thoughts  
you   
ever  
so   
slowly   
sink  
back into despair

 

It's amazing how these are   
the only things you ever feel

It's amazing how  
there's never an in-between

It's amazing how  
pathetic it all is

It's amazing how   
predictable it is  
yet you can never stop it

It's amazing that you're so stupid  
How haven't you found a way to stop this yet?

It's all amazing  
Isn't it?


	14. Must Be Nice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Original poem

It must be nice   
only being able to see one side of things  
I wonder  
how it feels  
not to be  
ripped in half


	15. People are so stupid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> original poem

People are so stupid  
and loud  
and superficial  
especially teenagers  
I'm stupid but  
at least I don't  
think someone else   
is inferior to me  
because of the size  
of their nose


	16. Sometimes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> original poem

Sometimes I dream   
I dream about happy things  
In the world I created  
I feel safe  
I feel like I'm home

Sometimes after I wake up  
I cry  
The happy things are gone  
I feel like I am going to die  
at any moment  
I feel lost

Sometimes I laugh   
It could be because something funny  
happened on tv or  
I'm reading a funny book   
Maybe someone told me a joke

Other times   
I'm just so happy  
Happy to be alive  
Happy to just be existing

Sometimes I cry   
It could be because   
I was watching the news  
or reading the paper  
Maybe my parents are fighting again

 

Sometimes   
I just feel incredibly sad  
for no reason at all  
I feel so miserable  
I just want to sleep forever

Sometimes I hate  
I hate my face  
I hate my legs  
I hate my arms  
I hate me  
I hate how sad I am  
Sometimes for no reason at all  
Sometimes for reasons so small  
Something other people can overlook  
But not me  
I hate that

Sometimes I want someone to tell me that it's all ok  
I hate myself even more for thinking that  
I deserve this after all   
I must

Sometimes I look  
at the razor  
when I'm in the shower  
or in the bathroom  
or when I'm in my room  
or pretty much anywhere  
I think about how it would feel  
to watch red blood pour out of  
my stupid wrists and fat thighs  
It would hurt  
I would deserve it  
But I'm afraid if I pick it up  
I'll never stop

So I stay quiet  
and ignore the cries of the razor  
I deserve it  
I deserve this and much worse


	17. Babies

Some things are really creepy  
bugs for example  
and babies  
That's about it

I just wanted to say  
babies are really fucking creepy  
They look exactly like  
upside down beetles  
when they flail their arms  
and legs  
for no apparent reason

I don't like babies


	18. Ugly yet Beautiful World op

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by the opening of this ugly yet beautiful world

Whisper goodbye to this ugly world  
and just wait for it to end  
For soon those wings shall adorn everything in crimson red

so ugly that it's beautiful  
That's what I cannot help but think  
Everyday whether I be looking out the window   
or walking alone on my own path

And in order to hide their weakness  
I've seen people do everything they could  
But in order to achieve all that  
They hurt someone kind and precious

Say goodbye to this ugly world  
and just wait for it to end  
Could I ask for a kiss  
perhaps even two

After all   
you've felt my heart  
once it became so reckless  
but it changed again  
What will you do? 

I do not know


	19. Random Haikus

Rain falls from the sky  
Trickling tears down my face  
The sadness is here

The cicadas cry  
After the fall of the tears  
They say it's to late


	20. Horror? lol

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Random horror story poem lol

They knock on the door  
I cower in fear  
I am going to die

I know what I did  
But I did not regret it  
Until this moment

I don't want to die  
But tonight they need revenge  
They thirst for my blood

I go upstairs to hide  
But I still hear their loud shrieks  
They try to get in

They hit on the door  
One loud nag after the next  
When will this night end?

Time starts to slow down  
I hear the fall of my door  
They start to clamber up the stairs


	21. Sing a Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> original poem  
> based on a nightmare I had once

I sang a song  
to put him to sleep but  
he never woke up

I didn't have any bandages  
to stop the bleeding  
so I used my shirt but  
it wasn't enough

I didn't have any water  
to quench his thirst  
my tears wouldn't stop falling  
but he still cried out for water

I didn't have anything  
to help take away the pain  
I couldn't do anything but  
sing a song

I sang a song  
to put him asleep but  
he never woke up


	22. Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> http://www.creative-writing-now.com/creative-writing-prompts.htm
> 
> 20) Write a poem about yourself in which nothing is true

I a tall well adjusted teenager  
Who thinks the American public school education system is great  
I'm happy all the time  
There is not a single thing in my life that I regret doing

I have never been made fun   
I've had the same friends for most of my life and they've all treated me great  
and I just keep on getting more and more of them

I am a major extrovert  
I love partying and I go out every weekend  
I believe I am living my life to the fullest

My family life is stable and everyone loves each other  
No one is a drug dealer, does drugs, or is an alcoholic  
None of them are racist towards my brother, me, or my father  
We all get together during the holidays  
I am so lucky and blessed to have them in my life

I have no mental illness  
I am in great shape  
Honestly there is not a single thing I would change about my life


	23. All I Am Now

I remember all the things you've said to me  
Even though there were so many  
I don't think you realize the effect they had on me  
That they  
Killed me on the inside  
And now I've changed into something that I don't recognize

I feel all my emotions break into pieces  
Until they are nonexistent  
I broke them myself in an attempt to make things easier  
To keep this worthless smile on my face  
I wonder if anyone knows how much hateful tears hide behind it

 

I've tried to swallow all my scars still wracked with pain  
Gulped them down one by one  
Even so I can still feel them hurting me  
I wonder if I ever told you about them  
Would you admit to not noticing they were there?

 

Sticks and stones may break my bones  
But your invisible words can hit me   
You don't know how much of them I can feel inside  
With each one I can feel my former self slipping away  
Why don't you realize how much I have tried  
Why don't you realize the light inside me has burned out  
I try to get it back somehow but despite my efforts  
I can feel myself turning into a shell of empty lies

 

I know you'll most likely run when you see behind it  
But I'm fine with it  
I expected this outcome anyway  
But in case you decide to stay and be real

It's always the same within me  
You'll always be so deep inside of my heart  
I can only picture your smile in moments like these  
Even though you have done some things that are unforgivable  
I can't let you go  
I can't admit it hurts  
But it wouldn't matter even if I did  
You wouldn't chose to hear it anyway  
I can slowly feel my lies becoming more visible  
You think it's funny  
I'm turning into your own personal clown  
You can't stop laughing in moments like these

 

I could disapear right now  
Couldn't I?  
Or is that yet another lie?

 

Sticks and stones may break my bones  
But your invisble words still manage to hit me  
I can feel my former self slipping away even furthur now  
It's unforgivable so then why so I still try to forgive  
Is this is the type of person I am now?  
You seem to think there's nothing wrong with it  
So if you think that it's ok  
Just kill me now please don't delay  
My former self has now run far away  
I couldn't find it even though I've tried  
I can't anymore though I'm to tired to chase after it now  
Can you see behind my facade of lies yet?  
Or can you not because that's all I am now?


	24. Barren Stage and Fading Figures

Time slowly passes by  
Day after day, week after week, month after month and year after year  
I can feel myself getting bigger and taller   
But not everything inside of me is growing  
I can feel love trying to pulse its way through me  
It's trying to race inside at a stupidly fast rate  
So in order to throw in out my only option is hate  
I doubt you would want to see my love anyways

 

Yet I can't help but want to try to provide you with it   
But the greedy person hidden inside me doesn't want to allow it  
It knows that it would have to stop loving everything it is and change  
But I've never been good with change  
That's why this person is hidden in me in the first place

And so I take a glance at you  
Decide to give this "love" thing a second chance  
And banished it away for as long and far away as I could

 

This life I'm living now has gotten better  
It must've been granted by god  
At least that what my father has taught  
So I try not to use this life like the people I used to be surrounded by  
They seemd to just throw it away like it was nothing more than morning trash

 

I know no one in this world has any expectations left for me  
I'm just realizing this as I start to open my eyes to see a curtain rising  
Now that the curtain has gone the stage I see is quite barren  
I must admit that there's no one besides myself to even watch it  
So I wonder if this story is worth anything at all  
Should I even try to be showing it?

I think the heart I have is suffering from something severe  
No pills I take ever quite help  
It's kinda hard for me to say, because I've tried to endure it for so long  
But I don't know how much longer I can last without a cure

 

It feels like my wounds won't stop festering  
Even though many of them are almost as old as I  
But the biggest one in my heart has just started dripping emptiness  
Without the old person hidden in me, I don't know how to stop it

I see someone reading all alone on a bus  
She seems so cold yet dignified  
Behind her I can here people making comments and laughing  
I know that they'll never see what I just did  
The tears that silently started dripping down her face

The sound of the train as it passes over me hurts my head  
I hate the sound and even though I pass here everyday  
It reminds me of all my old trails  
And I can feel myself die inside a little more

In order just to live   
I try to search for the old person insode of me  
But the place where it used to lay is just as empty as my heart  
This hole inside me can't be replaced  
Though I've tried many times

Although time is still moving I feel like I am stuck  
Can't keep up with everyone   
I see their figures fade into the horizen


End file.
